Quick Recap.

Well, I graduated last night.

...........................................................

Surprisingly that is actually not the punchline to a joke.

I'm not the only one who is baffled by how this happened...

That's a custom made shirt by Amelia Wolter, someone who has known me 13/18ths of my life.

I haven't blogged for a while but I don't really have time to write anything super great right now, so I'll just give you a quick recap of what's been going on.

Let's see, last week I kayaked a mystical swamp land that in my memory now resembles something like this:

 

 ...only darker and with a lot of rabid beavers lurking in the shadows.

I also kayaked down* a waterfall that looked similar to this:

...only with sharp rocks at the bottom. And alligators. And a T-Rex.

And I climbed on the roof of an abandoned house the same night. But all this under the responsible eye of Mrs. Owen, as this all took place on her property. Best class party ever.

Annnnnnd yep, that's pretty much it. I know that by June 18th I will have a really epic shenanigan-filled post to write. Hopefully one before then, but you can for sure count on that one. Stay tuned!

(I'm moving in 38 days. Eeeeek.)

*Note: I was not actually in the kayak when it went down the waterfall.

ANGST.

I have so much angst right now it is unreal. It's times like these where I wish I was some crazy outlaw so it would be totally normal for me to go construct a bomb and blow up a building or something.

This is the cycle of my average day:

(I didn't have space to add the "pm" at the end of that last time slot, but I assumed everyone would figure it out. I also realize that not all of the time dashes are spaced evenly - I almost couldn't post it due to that fact.)

 It's during the times that I am collapsed on my bed and analyzing my life that I develop the most angst. The later (earlier?) it gets, the more my level of angst increases. Around midnight I start coming up with all these great plans that I convince myself in the moment will solve all my problems. I think, "I know, I'll go light some tennis balls on fire!" or "I'll get a bunch of things made of glass and throw them off the roof!" Then pretty soon I'm experiencing all these magnificent visions of myself in downtown Kalamazoo jumping from roof to roof like Spiderman. Then roof-hopping in downtown Kalamazoo turns to dune-sledding in South Haven, which turns into hopping on a train to Colorado, which turns into stowing away in the cargo of a plane destined for Europe.
Then I start planning all this out. More than once I've actually started to pack my backpack. But then suddenly, like a wave out of nowhere stifling a flame, I realize that I don't have enough gas in my car to get anywhere. And that I wouldn't want to wake people up smashing stuff, because that might cause concern. And that I don't even have any tennis balls. In a nutshell, it suddenly hits me that my dreams are impossible.

Then I spend all night being torn between depression and outrageous, burning anger. One second I'm thinking, "Life is so boring... what's the purpose.... *wallows*" and the next it's, "WHY IS LIFE SO BORING, HOW IS ANYBODY SATISFIED WITH THIS?!??!!?!?!?! *kicks something*"
Then just the tiniest things set me off. Like, just now for example, my itunes playlist reached the end. So, I click on itunes and realize that I've been listening to the same playlist for weeks, and I'm bored of it. So I go through my itunes library and shout quietly to myself, "OUT OF 1223 SONGS, WHY DO NONE OF THEM SOUND APPEALING?!?!?!?!?!" So then I still end up (very aggressively) hitting the play button on the aforementioned playlist. Then the depressive thoughts suddenly take over again and I think, "Life is just like this playlist... so monotonous..."
But nothing shifts my mood to anger quicker than looking at the clock. Right now it's 3:37am, and I'm not the least bit tired. Today I even woke up at 7am. Do you know how frustrating it is to be tired all day long, and then by nighttime suddenly be wide awake? Super, super frustrating. And it's not like there's anyone to entertain you, either. Once you hit the 1am mark, even people in time zone's behind you are going to bed, and from then on it's just me and my thoughts - which can be really dangerous things to be left alone with.
People are always like, "Why don't you ever sleep?" as if I have a choice, as if I choose this... that's like asking a werewolf why he's a werewolf... Do you think he wants to morph into a ferocious slaughter-machine every month? No. It's not his fault he got bitten in the first place. And it's not my fault God chose me to be nocturnal. Maybe it's His way of telling me I should move to China where my sleep schedule would be normal.

Pretty soon I'm going to start getting really angry about REALLY stupid things and I'll start rambling about them and then anyone who reads this is probably going to think I'm considering a future in serial killing and will have me arrested or something, so I'm just going to be done now.

Sigh.