Just a happy, sunshiney, rainbow and unicorn filled tale.

I'm pretty much dying as I write this. Really, by the time you get done reading this, I'm sure I will be long gone. In fact, I just put your invitation to my funeral in the mail.
The reason for my untimely passing? Unbearable toe pain.
Remember in my first blog when I talked about my ridiculous day where I fell off my roof and somehow damaged my toe to the point of incomprehensible pain and infection? Then I jammed a needle in it and all the blood and puss gushed out? Well, I found out two days later that my single-handed emergency surgery only caused a temporary fix. It started getting all filled with death again, so I repeated the surgery, and thought that this time it really was cured for good.
Nope. Last night I started feeling it coming back, but I chose to ignore it and jump into my imaginary reality where I have the power to will pain out of my body. However, tonight I realized that I'm lacking as much in the willing away pain skill as I am in the willing away homework skill. Because after I returned home from work, my big toe was pretty much screaming at me to put it out of its misery and chop it off. But I decided to go with the less gory approach, and just jam it repeatedly with safety pins and simultaneously flood the open wounds with peroxide. I really thought I was making progress when I hit a spot and it started spewing blood...because last time that's what happened right before all the toxic nasty emerged and made it feel better. But that's not what happened this time. This time, blood only continued cascading profusely until I passed out in a pool of my own plasma on the kitchen floor.
That's a lie. But it did bleed a whole lot.
That's when I recalled hearing that if you got a needle hot enough it would burn a hole in your toenail without even feeling it, releasing pressure and hopefully those pesky germs, too. This may just be selective interpreting, but the way I remember it being described made it sound so easy - as if the burning needle would just slip right through like a steak knife through room-temperature butter.
Nope. I grabbed a lighter, feeling newly motivated that this might finally be my solution. I held my safety pin in the flame until it was nice and blackened, and then pressed the tip on my nail. However, instead of this being helpful at all, I ended up burning my finger on the pin, and then on the second try when the needle didn't just slide in through the nail, I applied more pressure which made it accidentally shoot across my nail, plummeting into the swelled mess of skin next to it.
So, now instead of my toe just being filled with intense pain and death, it is also burned, blood-stained, and looking as though it was mangled by a grizzly bear. I'm starting to think just chopping it off would have been the more productive way to go. And also, I'm not exaggerating when I say I might die from unbearable pain. I mean, I have a severely high pain tolerance, and I'm not kidding around here.
In case you are wondering why I'm blogging about this, it's because no one to whom I could complain is currently home.

Anyway...this horrific event was pretty much the best part of my week. And that's all I'll say about that.

By the way, I (sort of) sincerely apologize if you read my last blog and thought it was "so awful." Personally, I thought it was just full of some pretty good similes, but my mom said it makes me sound like the world's most evil, God's-creation-hating, abominable grim-reaper to ever surface the earth after undergoing a lifetime of corruption in Hades. At least, that's what her "so awful" said to me. So um. Sorry.