"Kids are horrible. They fail math and crash cars and get arrested."

Last night was just one of those nights. One of those nights where you just know that the world is going to collapse in a fit of catastrophic destruction... unless you can come by a box of Chicken in a Biskit. You know, those savory, chickeny crackers sent straight from above. (*runs upstairs to get box*) See, I can't even type about them without craving them.
I was watching a show on netflix with my sister when this unstoppable hankering hit. I jumped up and said, "WE NEED TO GO TO MEIJER RIGHT THIS SECOND." It was nearing midnight, so needless to say Alyssa was a bit reluctant to accept my command. By "reluctant," I mean she was physically digging her heels into the ground and clinging to the door frames as I attempted to pull her to my car by the arm. But with one last attempt to convince her to come peacefully, I shouted over her frantic "no no no no no"'s, "I'LL BLOG ABOUT IT!" Next thing I knew, we were jamming to The Lost Prophets on our way to Meijer.
The Plainwell Meijer is usually uninhabited, as most establishments in Plainwell tend to be at all times of the day, but at midnight I'm pretty sure someone is going to get stabbed there and no one will ever know because there will be no witnesses. Anyway, we had set out on the quest for only Chicken in a Biskit, but returned possessing not only those, but some donuts (or "Paczki"'s, which are apparently some sort of super donut on steroids sold only around Fat Tuesday), flaming hot cheetos, coffee creamer, and cookie crisp cereal. (Sidenote: my mom just walked in the door and was like, "Ohh you ended up getting your Chicken in a Biskit crackers!" ..Yes, Mom. Yes I did.) And after the venture, I will say I have come to one, solid conclusion: Shopping cart racing should be an official Olympic sport. I would win the gold. Several times.
We returned home and watched another episode of "Mercy," which is a hospital show - I usually hate hospital shows, but this one is okay because the main character, Veronica, is wonderfully cynical and oh so darkly witty. The title of this blog is a quote from her, and I found it fitting because I fully, 100% support that first sentence, and the second sentence totally applies to my life. Double whammy. Not that I have ever technically "crashed" a car or gotten arrested (however, there would have been a warrant out for my arrest if I hadn't paid a speeding ticket today... and I'm not going to lie, I did consider what a great blog it would be if that had happened), but I feel that I've failed math enough times to cover both of those.

In other news, last week I made a three-year-old cry, and next week I'll be in Colorado! Hallelujah!